I ask myself every day, am I really strong enough to deal with all that is being thrown upon me? How will I ever get thru all of this when it just seems to keep piling up more and more? Then I stop and tell myself, “well Tracie, they say, God never gives us more than we can bare, so you must be able to handle all of this and more, but don’t realize it yet.” Wow!!! I am 42, single, alone, currently a cancer survivor, in the midst of reconstructive surgery and treatment, dealing with a recent long overdue breakup, dealing with stress from a 10 year job that purposely adds more stress just because they can,trying to figure out what is causing my health issues with eating for the past 2 years that no doctor can put a finger on, a grandmother of 2 and 1 on the way, a mother of a 23 year old who still can’t figure it all out yet, and a mother of a 20 year old, who doesn’t understand what I’ve been trying to tell her for years now..and owner of a 2 1/2 year old pit bull who is stubborn and determined to be the boss of me….and then just for me..trying to host a radio talk show every Saturday to help me make some kind of sense out of my life, and find a way to give back to the community. Not to mention I also help teach a dance class every Saturday morning…which I also do for me, because I love dancing and it allows me a couple of hours to not think about my messed up life….I do all while wearing a smile on my face most times, and hiding behind this mask so that noone really knows what I am feeling or going thru.
I guess I am strong, when I dissect it like this…I am strong in my morals, strong in my beliefs, strong in what I will and won’t stand for or put up with (most times) I am a strong grounded mother to my children and grandmother to my grandbabies…I am a strong competent dancer to the students of the dance class…I am a strong confident radio talk show host who loves hosting various shows each Saturday.I am a strong employee of AT&T who knows how to do my job and do it well…I’ve held so many positions at work, and done a range of things and know I can hold my own and my job knows this too….so all in all I keep reminding myself how strong I “must be” if I can do all these things………..then I surely can get thru this too…even if I am alone and have noone to wipe away the tears that want to fall but don’t, and noone to tell me it will all be ok in a soothing believeable voice and tone…so I ask you..have you ever wondered how strong you really are?
If you dissect it like this and think about all the things you have done and done well, that required strength…then you too may find your answer and realize YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK~~~.
muah……I’ll stop here for now and send more later or tomorrow…almost time for my meds…..lol