It’s now Tuesday night 11pm and it’s been 5 days since my masectomy. I have gotten a few visitors, phone calls and support via internet messages, all of which are much appreciated. I have tried to open up and talk about my feelings, and thoughts on my situation without running it into the ground……but I just have a hard time not thinking about it, not wondering why certain things are not happening and certain people are not there for support. But I think by doing this it keeps me in my past, keeps me in a way and place I really don’t want to be any longer. I don’t have the energy right now to put myself “out on the market” so to speak, nor do I really want to be. I just wish at this point and time in my life, I already had certain things and support in place, so when I keep talking about being alone, it’s just my dealing with life….I hope to get over it soon, and move on from that sad point in my life, and it is sad for me. It makes me think about things I don’t want to think about …sad about situations and people who have come and gone in my life. I am counting the days since surgery, have no idea how many blogs Iwill write nor how often I will write in a day, but I am finding I seem to have alot to say or blog about. I know I am going thru alot of emotional feelings which I can’t seem to get over, past, or grasp completely.depending on whether I have taken medication I may not write as much on that particular day..I am getting ready to take my pain med for the night, and then I will be asleep within 5-10 min after that. I don’t want to become a bitter person, but bitter is what I am feeling..