I swear….Murphy’s Law is out to get me, and it sure seems to be winning. Today I had my first doctor appointment with the oncology doctor. I really think that God is testing my strength, and ability to trust in him…I keep hearing one negative after another..I don’t think I can take much more…NOW the doctor says even though I have had the masectomy, I STILL have to have chemotherapy!!!… He tried to explain it and show me the statistics that say women my age, with the type and stage cancer that I had, have the BEST chance of living and NOT having the cancer return ONLY IF THEY HAVE CHEMOTHERAPY!!…but that there is still no guarantee that the cancer will not return, it could still come back.
OMG!!! now I have to worry about hair loss, being sick, being tired and a slew of other side affects. He did not say that I “could” or that I “might” lose my hair, he said yes the strength of chemo that he has to give me “WILL” cause my hair to fall out!!!…and that I have to have chemo for 1 year.
and to think I went to this appt, with the “positive” thought and hope that he would say “no I didn’t need any further treatment” …but not me…Murphy’s Law is on my ass!!!…when it rains it pours, just when you think you have it all together…..BAM!!!!
I have decided that I will wait to start chemo, until after the REST OF MY RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY IS DONE….yes I am still going thru reconstructive surgery!!!…he did not think I should wait until then, but you know what?? It’s my body, my life and my choice….why would I want to wait almost a year before getting this surgery over with? why would I want to go back to work, not having this surgery completed?? I already am going back for 2 weeks without having it completed and that is weighing on me mentally…but to go 8 months for no reason…I don’t think so!!!
I told him I will do the chemo after my surgery, which should be in Feb…2 months away…I am soo tired and drained from all of this being thrown on me at once…I don’t think I will ever get a moment to sigh and feel the frustration leave my body……