I have been single since 2009, and began really practicing and sticking to my decision to be celibate. I have been really surprised at the response I have gotten from people who to me are just shallow and clueless. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is an easy no brainer for me, but I have come up against people trying to make me feel as if I am crazy, out of touch with reality, and even came across someone who basically wanted to force himself on me.
Not once has anyone ever tried to understand why or even ask why I chose this path. I have actually found that people only care about “what they can get from you”, which has made me in turn, keep more to myself than ever. Let me be clear that I am not delusional nor crazy or any other descriptive word one may choose to use to describe my lifestyle. I specifically prayed that God take all sexual desires away from me, when my last relationship ended, because I did not want to be one of those women who think sex is everything and all there is to life.
I learned in that relationship that no matter how sexual you might be with someone, it does not make that person be honest with you, it does not make that person be true to you, and it does not make the relationship perfect. Don’t misunderstand what I am saying, because I am sure sex has its place in relationships, but it does not and cannot be the glue that holds it together. In my journey of finding self, I have watched people show their true colors.
I have tried to talk to people, share my views and why, and all I come across are brick walls. mindless, clueless men. Communication, consideration and love are the glue that holds a relationship together.. Communication because you have to be able to talk, express, and share your thoughts and feelings. Consideration because you must respect one another and be mindful and considerate of the others feelings and thoughts. Love because you have to truly love one another for who you are 100%.
I made a commitment to myself, that I would remain celibate until the man God has planned for me comes along. I am open to that someone coming into my life, but so far, I guess it has not been the time, because God has not introduced me to that person yet. I patiently await. I understand God removing the carnal desires in order for me to see the beauty of me, the inner strength that dwells within, and the ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings, wants and needs. For anyone trying to practice celibacy in this day and age of sex sex sex, you first have to really want to live that lifestyle. There are so many diseases out there, one has to be careful, and for me, the fear of catching AIDS or an STD is enough to make me say NO!!
I value myself, my body and my life, and I want to meet someone who also values the same in themselves and in me. Yes choosing to be celibate is a lonely road, a very lonely road, but I am more and more proud of myself with each passing day, and with each fly by person who comes and goes. Especially when I figure out they are not the one God intended for me to meet, because I have not lost self respect during the journey.
True celibacy means you are choosing to refrain from any sexual contact or intercourse. It does not mean you can’t still hug, kiss, but it does mean no touching in a sexual manner.
Celibacy forces you to get to know one another for who you really are without judgement being clouded by sex. It also lets you realize if you really have anything in common with one another.
Also “anything worth having is worth waiting for” at least that is how the saying goes…and I truly believe that. If a man really loves me for me and truly wants to be with me, he will appreciate that I am not jumping into bed with him right away, he will respect my values, and he will want to share his life with someone who values life, and themselves.
I look at all the young girls who feel they “have” to sleep with a man in order to keep him ( I used to think that too when I was young) but I know differently now, and wish that other young girls would realize it too, but I know people have to go thru experiences in life in order to get to where they need to be. I talk to both men and women, and they all tell me I am crazy, and that I “just need some”…to which I have to laugh at their ignorance, and smile to myself because I realize at that moment I am so much stronger than they are.
If I can be an inspiration to others who struggle to be or become celibate, then I hope this blog inspires them. I also welcome to talk to and encourage others to live their life for themselves, and learn to love life and self first.
After writing my blog I found an article online that LisaRaye McCoy is also practicing celibacy. I read the article and found she and I share the same reasons for doing so. It made me smile reading it and I thought I would post a link here to that article and share it with you.
feel free to share your thoughts