I am the first to admit I’m no saint. I’ve never pretended to be either, but if you ask friends about me they would probably say that I’m a bit of a mystery.
I had my first experience with a woman back in 1993 or 1994. It was with my then boyfriends baby mama. No it wasn’t any freaky threesome shit either.
I’ve always had a curious nature but I’ve also always had an attraction to women. So to me it didn’t seem strange nor like a fad. . it was just another part of my life. It kills me how so many self righteous people try to act like they are appalled by it, but truth be told, alot of women have had lesbian experiences during the course of their lives. No I am not saying that makes it right because the bible says it’s wrong.
What I am saying is that for me, I am not really sure why I have the attraction to women, but I can tell that it’s not necessarily a sexual one. I think it’s more of a chance to have women friends, to bond with other women and do girly things..something I was never really allowed to do or growing up (stay tuned for “This is My Life”)..anyway, I remember as if it were yesterday. I was dating someone who had kids by other girls, and he and I had a very rocky up and down relationship-he was very controlling and insecure (look out for my “Lessons Learned” coming soon). Anyway he had a baby mama that he told me about her being gay. I never fully believed it but it did sit in the back of my mind. After about 4 years of dating, and during one of our “broke up” periods, I was out at a club and saw her there. I walked up to her and confronted her about it. I think I caught her off guard by being so blunt about it, but hell I wanted to know if he was telling me the truth.lol. So when asked if she were gay? she said she was happy. now that didn’t quite answer my question so I let it go for the time being. fast forward to another time I saw her out, and I had been drinking a little bit, so I approached her again, and asked again if she were gay, and then kissed her and walked away. I think then she realized I wasn’t just asking just to be asking or so she thought. We exchanged numbers before the night was over and she began calling me daily. We would talk on the phone and she always wanted to know when I was coming over. (I smile as I think back to this ) I went over her house eventually because I was still trying to find out if it was true or not, but also because I wanted to satisfy my own curiosity. To make a long story short it was an experience, but not necessarily what I had envisioned or expected.
Then about a year later I met my first “girlfriend”. I met her online, thought she was simply gorgeous. I went to meet her in person and was blown away by her beauty. We both seemed to like one another and so our relationship began. It wasn’t long before she moved in with me, and it was after that move that I learned she was related to my ex-husband. That didn’t stop us from being together, but I did learn alot about her that she “forgot” to disclose in the beginning. She and I quickly fell in love, but again the sex was not what I expected..I was actually let down again and at that moment I recall thinking to myself that I would never let another women touch me, that I would be a better lover to women in the future than what I had experienced thus far. She and I lasted about 2 years and due to her lying and sneaking around we broke up.
I went back to dating men, but always kept my eye out for a female. I met a few different girls online that for one reason or another were not what I was looking for but I did date them. I remember meeting one woman who seemed to be perfect over the phone, when we met we really hit it off. She and I went every where together, only thing with her was she was too sexual..so for me that was a slight turn off, but I tried to make it work anyway. I was also at that time sort of dating a co-worker, that I picked up on a vibe that she was gay..She was older so I had hoped that she could teach me things I didn’t know. But trying to date 2 women at the same time was hard, because as women we all want “our time” with the one we love. Now lesbian love involves alot of kissing, licking, touching and the use of toys. There is a submissive partner and a dominant partner. They use terms like “fem” and “stud”. As I dated these 2 women, I learned alot about myself and about women in general. Lesbian relationships are alot like heterosexual ones, meaning, there is cheating, fighting, arguing, and jealousy. The one thing I never saw was “control issues”. Those 2 relationships lasted about a year, before I couldn’t do it anymore. It became too overwhelming to maintain.
I have had a few other encounters/dates with females, since then but ultimately I decided I was better off by myself. I still find women attractive and wish at times that I had a girllfriend, but know that I am very picky about who I like and who I date. Right now, I am trying to live my life the way the bible says I should live it………….stay tuned, more could follow