Mentalgasm

Mentalgasm. Do you know what this is and means? It’s what I look for, long for, and crave. It’s the thing that gets me going and what keeps my attention. Let me explain. I am stimulated mentally by conversation, and it’s how I am able to connect and relate to a person. When that conversation takes me “there”, I know I have just had a mentalgasm..It’s like an orgasm except its a mental satisfaction, an elated hightened awareness.

A mentalgasm happens for me when I have had the best conversation with someone, where we lose track of time, and are finding ourselves, laughing, and just conversing back and forth about everything, with no hangups, no holding back on thoughts. You are able to say what you want and not apologize for it..It’s when two people connect and relate on a mental level, and it leaves you feeling happy and satisfied. It stimulates and teases me, unintentionally, it’s flirting without flirting. Its one of the best feelings in the world for me. At times it’s even better than sex.

And tonight I had a mentalgasm…WOW!!!!! It was great!!!

 

As long as I …..

Hmm…let’s see…as long as I have God on my side I will be alright and as long as I have Jesus in my heart I will not be alone….I tell myself this time and time again, because often times it may feel like I am alone, even when I know those 2 things are true…still the carnal self feels the emptiness of coming home each day to an empty apartment, the carnal self feels the loneliness of going to bed each night alone with noone next to me to snuggle up to.

Reality of it all, is yes I am alone in this state, in my apartment and in my personal life. And sure I long to have someone to share those happy times, good days, bad days, those “did you know…?” moments, those “..but what if…?” ideas that run through my mind all the time.. I look around to make sure noone is watching or within ear shot when I answer myself in real time conversation, because truth of the matter is, it’s nice to hear a voice every now and then, even if it is my own.

You may think I am crazy or losing my mind, but no…I am as sane as the next man, maybe even more so I am in tune with me, and I have come to accept me for who I am, and I am learning to understand that I am alone in my own personal space for a reason. That it’s okay if my circle of friends grows smaller and smaller as I get older, because most friends are there for a season anyway, to make their mark and leave behind the lesson meant for you to learn. I am okay with that most of the time, but still…..but still there are those moments…..those “hey!! did you see…!!?”, “hey babe..guess what?”, those “huuhhh all I want to do is stay in bed and cuddle up babe, what about you?” moments…..

I sigh as I write this because it’s reality that motivates this blog, it’s loneliness from within my heart of not having anyone to love or love me back on a personal relationship level….it’s the pain I feel everytime I go home to my empty apartment, and it’s the struggle I notice when I try to think of something to do in my spare time other than gambling at the local casino…But hey!!? did you know you can have alot of fun at the casino alone?!!!   lol   I go with just Jesus and myself and we have great times most of the time, and then there are those times, when he tells me, ” you should have taken what I gave you and went home”…lol but you know….my loneliness keeps me there for hours at a time, dreading going back to that empty place called home.

But the other night, it finally hit me like a lightening bolt, that I am and will be okay just the way I am. That I don’t need to change one thing about me, because Jesus loves ME just as I am, and he only wants for me to love ME too….So no it’s not conceit, or arrogance or anything of the sort, you hear when I say “I love me some me!!” it’s the realization and acceptance of knowing that AS LONG AS I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE, JESUS IN MY HEART, AND LOVE OF SELF WITHIN ME…I WILL BE OKAY.

So today….I AM LOVING ME SOME ME.

A real friend is. ..

Seems as the years go by, people either forget or just don’t want to be a real true friend.
This blog is a vent as well as a guide for those fake fair weather wanna be’s.
If you initiate a contact or dialog with someone you “think” you want to be friends with. . be adult enough to either see it thru or let that person know what happened. . As a real woman, who has no problem telling it like it is and accepting someone else’s decisions, opinions and or thoughts…I must say, men are notorious for being confused as well as confusing a woman. .
When you ask a question be adult enough to handle the answer. . nothing worse than being fake and frontin’ like you real, and like you want to be friends with someone, and too freakin’ scared to admit when you are called out on it that you don’t.  It won’t hurt our feelings if you are honest with us. 
I recently conducted an experiment on a guy who talked a good game, but when he was called on it, he buckled. . lol.  It’s funny because I look at him as a joke now. .I could be wrong but based on my experiment I’m pretty certain I’m right.  Fake ass, wannabe ….
If conversation gets too deep for you, just say, hold on Let me put my big boy boots on. . and man up. .
You say, maybe I’m too hard on men. ..lol but in truth maybe you were just too intimidated by my realness.
Why would I want to settle or lower my standards for someone who hasn’t gotten himself to where he needs to be or should be??  And you come across as if you secure, confident and can handle it. You want to be a man in a relationship, but you can’t even be a man in a friendship first. . really??!!!
Okay now that I put that ass on blast(because you know who you are) and finished venting, let me tell you what a real friend is.
A real friend, cares enough to listen, to talk, to understand or at the very least try to understand one’s ways.  A real friend never lies, fronts, or fakes because they know they don’t have to, because they are accepted for who they are. A real friend is not afraid to say what they feel or think, because friends can do that without fear of rejection, or being shunned. A real friend will always tell you what you need to hear, and not just what you want to know. A real friend doesn’t play games of the mind or heart.. a real friend weathers the good the bad and the ugly that life throws your way. A real friend is rare to find, and even harder to get rid of. . because when a friend is a real friend they stick by you. . No matter what.  Yes real friends have their ups and downs, they have times when they may not speak due to life circumstances. .. but they always find a way to just reach out and say hey, how are you? Hope all is well with you, was just thinking about you.  With today’s modernized electronicized friendships and ways to communicate,  a simple text or email will do. A real friend never intentionally uses you for selfish gain. 
A real friend knows how to apologize and say they are sorry when they have obviously hurt your feelings, or when miscommunication occurs. .
I’m just saying a real friend is tried and true. Now. . what kind of friend are you??

Whatever Happened to Real Romance, Chivalry, and True Love

I am sitting here just lost in my thoughts so to speak.. I often times reflect on life, past, present and future, and all the life experiences once encounters during a lifetime. So as you follow along this thought I am having, think of your own life experiences past and present and try to see where your future is going. Are you where you want to be in life? Have you completed all the goals you set for yourself? Are you truly happy with your current life? Are you sharing your life with that special someone?

Am I the only one on this earth left that still believes in real romance, chivalry and true love? I believe it exist because I have experienced it in my life, so I believe it’s possible to experience it again. at least I sure hope so.

Real romance starts within you. You have to be able to know the difference, know what makes a situation romantic and be capable of doing what it takes. True Love is inside of you when you truly love yourself. If you don’t know how to love you, how can expect someone else to ? Chivalry lives in the hearts of every woman (it’s what we long for) and in the minds of every man(it’s what he tries so hard to forget).

I choose to wait for all 3.

Just be Real. Just be Honest..It’s okay.

After a few days of fun,fun, fun and trying new things and much reflection(as only I can do..lol). I am left with alot of thoughts about people in general, and the “why’s” of why do people do the things they do, and say..I really find it hilarious because, these are GROWN people, I am talking about…or at least they want to believe they have matured into being grown. My philosophy is and always has been and will forever be KEEP IT 100.  JUST BE REAL…(that is where I got the name Real Talk Tracie…because I keep it real). Most people seem to think it’s a crime to be honest, or real, when actually they will gain much more respect if they would. No one will be crushed nor broken if you were to be honest with them…Why not be stress free and happy.. I had a chance to observe 2 totally different people, who actually are just the same.. (and that is just HILARIOUS to me!!)

I had a conversation with the opposite sex over the weekend, about women and men and why do women give the “good guys” the hardest time, but will give in to the “thug or bad boy”. I believe women recognize when men are full of shit, and unfortunately if they happen to really be attracted to the one who is full of it or really like them, they may just give up and say what the heck!! and adapt the “it is what it is” rationalization and give in to him very quickly..BUT when the “good guy” truly does come along who really is a “good guy” not on any b.s., she will tend to make him work hard to win her over, because she sees that it could lead to a real relationship so she wants to go about doing things the right way, and have his utmost respect in the process. One friend, said he thought that a woman should just be herself no matter what, and if she wanted to take it to the next level whether or not it lead to anything more, that she should just do what she feels, because in life everyone gets hurt, or learns from mistakes.  I thought that was spoken like a true male.

I also had another kind of conversation with someone of the opposite sex, about relationships somewhat, and just about getting to know someone better, but the thing with this conversation is that it seems like they were for whatever reason trying to feel me out, and then when they saw that I am ” a real woman”, I am an “honest woman” I keep it 100, and I am not afraid to speak what is on my mind, they retreated, and ran to hide. hilarious!! and men wonder why some women play games instead of keeping it real?

I choose to not play games because I have  confidence in me..I know what I am worth, I know what I bring, I know what I want, and I know who I am. I make no apologies for that..I always have said it takes a “real man” to recognize a “real woman” and to not be afraid of that. I am not easily impressed by men, because I can always tell when a guy is really on one or not. I tell people be sure you want to know the answer when you ask me a question..point in case, my one male friend, asked me what I was thinking over the weekend while hanging out…..and I looked at him in the eye and said I should keep it to myself, but since you asked, I think you are full of shit!!!…

well ….he did ask what I was thinking, and at that moment that was what I was thinking…had a ball, had fun yada yada yada, but when I look at him as a person outside of having fun and hanging out…I think he’s  full of shit!!. and thus he will forever most likely be in the “Friend zone”, nothing more nothing less. period. It took him by surprise that I would be that real and that blunt, but he had to admit, that with me, you will always know where you stand.. Just being real, just being honest.

As for other people who seem confused about what they want, or about me,….Ask or keep it moving, because I will.

and I am. I don’t really want to be drawn into someone else’s confusion, or uncertainty about me. I know me better than anyone, and I will always tell you the truth about me. So to that person I say this: “it would have been nice, it could have been great, you seem like a great person and all, BUT you also seem to lack the ability to just be real, just be honest.. It’s okay.

Talk to me when you can just be real, just be honest, really it’s okay. My life is and will continue to be good with or without you in it. yeah I gotta big ego….I talk like this because I can back it up. (ijs)